Oh dear, oh dear. Much against my better judgement I visited the cinema earlier this evening to see Michael Bay’s latest attempt to revitalise the Transformers franchise, in Transformers: Dark Of The Moon.
Where to start with this sci-fi movie? Well it’s overly long for a start, mostly incoherent in terms of the plot and it has cardboard cut-out characters that you could push over with a tap of your finger. Of course, being aimed at the male teen audience one of these is a blonde bombshell, and Sam Witwicky’s current love interest, Carly, played by fashion model turned actress Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Unfortunately she should have stuck to modelling – she delivers her lines as if she’s reading them off the back of her sleeve and her one expression is ‘pouty’, which she is admirably suited to given her unfeasibly large lips… Both Leonard Nimoy, and amazingly Buzz Aldrin, the old Apollo astronaut, also feature – given their equally corny dialogue (which to give them their due were delivered with rather more conviction than Ms Huntington-Whiteley’s) these guys are obviously desperate for money – no-one with any self respect would have gone anywhere near this hot mess of a movie. And don’t get me started on the moustachio-twirling bad guy played by Patrick Dempsey (who frankly should know better).
OK, the cars are shiny and the special effects are impressive but many of the set-pieces are laughable – in scenes that would have turned any normal human body into mincemeat, time and again the main characters walk away with barely a scratch. I’m also most unimpressed by their ‘borrowing’ of classic lines from Star Trek movies through the medium of Bumblebee’s recorded speech – movies which stand like giants above this fiasco of a piece. Avoid at all costs, even if the only other movie showing at your local cinema is Cars 2!